Wisdom & Comfort

On the Death Of A Loved One
(Selections from the Bible, Koran, and other writings through history)

Grief never ends , but it changes.
It is a passage , not a place to stay.
The sense of loss must give way
If we are to value the life that was lived
….Author unknown

Grieving allows us to heal,
To remember with love rather than pain.
It is a sorting process.
One by one you let go
Of the things that are gone
And you mourn for them.
One by one you take hold
Of the things that have become part of what you are
And build again.
….Rachel Naomi Remen

The span between life and death
Can be as quick and sudden as a puff of wind
That blows out a candle.
But the candle does not suffer
After darkness comes.
It is the person left in the dark room who gropes and stumbles.
….Helen Duke Fike

Grief comes in one size, extra large.
If we tuck it away in the bottom drawer
Where it never sees the light of day,
It remains exactly the same.
On the other hand,
If we wear it, feel it , talk about it,
And share it with others, it is likely that it will become faded , shrunk and worn
Or will simply no longer fit.
When grief has served its purpose
We are able to recognize the many gifts we have gained.
…Dianne Arcangel

If you truly want to grow as a person and learn,
You should realize that the universe has enrolled you
in the graduate program of life , called loss.
….Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Deep peace of the running wave to you
Deep peace of the flowing air to you
Deep peace of the quiet earth to you
Deep peace of the shining stars to you
Deep peace of the infinite peace to you
…….Old Gaelic Blessing

The man whispered , " God , speak to me ",
And a meadowlark sang , but the man did not hear

So the man yelled , " God , speak to me ",
And the thunder rolled across the sky , but the man did not listen

The man looked around , and said, " God , let me see you",
And a star shined brightly , but the man did not notice

And the man shouted , " God , show me a miracle ",
And a life was born, but the man did not know.

So the man cried out in despair ,
"Touch me God , and let me know you are here !"
whereupon God reached down and touched the man;
but the man brushed the butterfly away .
….Author unknown

Grief knits two hearts in closer bonds
Than happiness ever can ;
And common sufferings are far stronger links
Than common joys
…..Author unknown

It seems odd that time does not put distance between us,
But there is no distance , no space, no place that you are not.
Your presence fills my emptyness…
but I still miss you -
the you I thought you were -
the you who left that warm July morning
while we sat crying and begging for miracles.
I didn't know then
That you were so much more than that which died
And I didn't understand that miracles come in disguise.
You have taught me the lessons of the soul
And given me reasons to stay
But still I miss you - the you I thought you were.
….Sandy Goodman

What does " letting go mean ?
The phrase is often misunderstood.
Does it mean forgetting..
Letting go of our memories ?
Not at all.
Does it mean letting go of a relationship
With our deceased loved ones?
No!
Our relationship is changed , not ended.
" Letting go " refers to the time in our healing journey
when we are ready to gently open our tightly closed fists.
In doing so we let go of our pain.
We do not need it anymore.
…Sandi Caplan and Gordon Lang

Let fate do her worst; there are relics of joy,
Bright dreams of the past, which she cannot destroy;
And which come in the night-time of sorrow and care,
To bring back the features that joy used to wear.
Long , long be my heart with such memories filled
Like the vase in which roses have once been distilled;
You may break , you may ruin the vase , if you will,
But the scent of the roses will hang 'round it still.
….T. Moore

To everything there is a season
And a time to every purpose under the heaven;
A time to be born and a time to die;
A time to plant , and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill , and a time to heal;
A time to break down , and a time to build up;
A time to weep , and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones , and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get , and a time to lose;
A time to keep , and a time to cast away;
A time to rend , and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love , and a time to hate ;
A time of war, and a time of peace.
****Ecclesiastes 3: 1 - 8

I have been driven many times upon my knees
By the overwhelming conviction
That I had nowhere else to go.
…Abraham Lincoln

Vulnerability to death
Is one of the given conditions of life.
We can't explain it
Any more than we can explain life itself.
We can't control it
Or sometimes even postpone it.
All we can do is try to rise beyond the question
" Why did it happen ?"
and begin to ask the question
"What do I do , now that it has happened. "
….Harold Kushner

Hold on to what is good
Even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe
Even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do
Even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life
Even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand
Even when I have gone away from you.
…….. Pueblo Blessing

Now that I am gone…
Remember me with smiles and laughter.
And if you need to cry,
cry with your brother and sister
who walks in grief beside you .
And when you need me , put your arms around anyone
and give to them what you need to give to me.
There are so many who need so much.
I want to leave you something -
something much better than words or sounds.
Look for me in the people I've known
or helped in some special way.
Let me live in your heart, as well as in your mind.
You can love me most
By letting your love reach out to our loved ones,
By embracing them and living in their love.
Love does not die - people do.
So, when all that's left of me is love,
Give me away as best you can.
……Author unknown